


Siskambabwe Boblet

by monaboyd_archivist



Category: The Lord of the Rings RPF
Genre: First Time, Humor, M/M, Romance, gen - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2004-05-26
Updated: 2004-05-26
Packaged: 2018-08-07 10:13:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,243
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7711111
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/monaboyd_archivist/pseuds/monaboyd_archivist
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dom has trouble getting up in the morning.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Siskambabwe Boblet

**Author's Note:**

> Note from Shirasade: this story was originally archived at the Monaboyd.net Archive, which was closed in September 2014 due to software issues and a lack of new submissions for several years . To preserve the archive, I began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in October 2014. I e-mailed all authors about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this author, please contact me using the e-mail address on the Monaboyd.net Archive collection profile.

BEEP BEEP BEEP.

Dominic Monaghan vs. the Alarm Clock.

It was an ongoing war. Who would win? Would Dom actually get up in the morning or not? It was the hardest thing about Rings.

Dom hated getting up so early. Dom hated his alarm clock for it, naturally. Dom hated it so much he gave it a name so he could curse it in public and people would not know his unhealthy loathing of the appliance.

It reminded him a lot of Sean, but naming it that would just be mean. And Dom was never mean to his alarm clock.

Seriously, Dom didn't want to be mean. To people, anyway. If he did, he'd call it Ngila, just to get her back for the itchy Cape. "Oh hey, guess what? I named my alarm clock after you because I hate it so much." No, Dom was not mean to people.

But every waking moment his thoughts were filled of doing all sorts of nasty, mean, things to it, and that made him feel a bit... off his rocker. So he gave it a name. (Which only made him feel even more so, but at least people wouldn't know.)

He decided to call it Sally.

Until he remembered that Sally was Billy's 'friend', and Dom believed that if you name pets after people, the pets channel that person somehow. And Dom found waking up painful enough without his alarm clock kicking him in sensitive places. So he found a new name.

Orange! He'd call it Orange. But wait, he liked oranges. He saw Billy eating an orange once. The man had insisted on peeling it with his fingernails, taking at least three entire minutes to do what took Dom and his knife a few seconds.

So he had to settle on Siskambabwe Boblet. Something he knew that no one would ever, ever name their baby. Except maybe Orlando. But he couln't imagine Orli with a baby. "Come on, let's go skydiving, man! You first! No, come back, you have to get in your harness first! ...I really hope that doesn't hurt."

Siskambabwe Boblet was quite the bastard. Dom would be having a nice dream about _women_ (not Billy) and right in the middle of the night it would just scream in his ear. And Dom would be faced with the terrible Choice.

Be on time for Feet, or get more than an hour of sleep.

Dom was not mean to people, so out of the kindness of his heart, he would instinctually choose to get up. But when he is asleep, he forgets the fact that he is never mean to people. He only knows that he needs to be mean to his alarm clock. Feet will manage without him.

Being mean to Siskambabwe Boblet was fun. Dom took out his inner sadist on his evil alarm clock. Once he smashed the alarm clock against the opposite wall, which worked until Fran bought him a new one. So it meant no destroying Boblet.

But thank goodness for the Snooze Button. Dom used it so much that he ended up sleeping later than he would have than if he'd just turned the bloody thing off. He dreamed that it was a security alarm that he could turn off by typing a certain key on a keyboard, but when he woke up he felt stupid pressing buttons on Siskambabwe Boblet like it was a laptop.

Once he had a dream that the king of Thailand came and told him to turn off the alarm. And who was Dom to refuse royalty? But PJ didn't buy it.

After a few Talks with him, he decided that he would actually try hard to get up on time (under threat of 24-hour Cape). It didn't work. You see, his brain had gotten so used to pressing buttons until the noise stopped, that he was too asleep to stop doing that. So he moved the alarm clock.

He put it under his pillow. That'd surely wake him up like a bucket of cold water. But he didn't hear it at all. And Siskambabwe Boblet was far from suffication.

So he put it near his pillow. Close enough to be loud, free enough to be clear. But Dom thrashed so much in the night that he found Boblet on the floor, where he had still managed to turn it off in his sleep.

The only option left, then, was placing it farther away. He'd have to get out of bed to turn it off, and by then he'd be awake enough to stay out of bed for the morning. So he put it on the dresser.

The next morning when Boblet began its daily tirade, Dom couldn't find it on his bedside table. Rooting around blindly for it, he realized that it was indeed over there on his dresser.

Dom had a killer throwing arm.

And he employed it against the welfare of said clock. Smash again. He bought the next one himself.

So he decided not to put it across, but up high. Not on the curtian, for religious reasons, but on top of the lamp would do. That actually worked.

Until he forgot to take it off and left his lamp on for a few hours. If Bill hadn't smelled something burning, the whole trailer might have burned down. Bill always saves the day.

Except for when it comes to having Talks with PJ.

Pete was more angry at himself for finding it funny than at Dom for actually doing it. He got a new alarm clock, which was again christened Siskambabwe Boblet (not worth spending so much time finding new names for alarm clocks that only last a day or two).

So for several weeks he made do as best he could, hiding Boblet in different places of the room every night. And when he wasn't dreaming of _women_ (not Billy), he dreamt gory phastasms about all the ways he could murder Siskambabwe Boblet when Rings was over. Oh yes, it would be wonderful.

It was the same torture every morning. Beautiful dreams of _women_ (not Billy), suddenly BEEP BEEP BEEP! And he'd have to get up and grope groggily for the offending object. And then go stand up for an hour and a half with no one but Billy to keep him awake. The music they played wasn't even working anymore- either something like Smashing Pumpkins, that Dom heard in his head all the time and it was therefore unimportant. Or it was Coldplay, which on the whole always made him want to go back to sleep again. But he'd only collasped on the poor Feet girl twice.

So he got used to doing that, and so he allowed himself to move Boblet back onto his night stand. By the time he'd finish searching his room for it and realise it was right there on the table, he was wide awake. That worked for a while.

BEEP BEEP BEEP, it went, (unsurprisingly), one morning. But Dom knew that something was different, but he couldn't put his finger on it.

He knew as soon as a slender hand reached across him and made the noise stop, just like that. Dom sighed muzzily and wiggled closer to the warmth pressed up against him.

"I love you, Billy," he said for the first time ever, but certainly not the last.

You can't be blamed for something you didn't do.

 

Finis


End file.
